Re: the Forbes article. I found this interesting, regarding the dopamine effect:
"For chimpanzees, this kind of brain chemistry can lead to strange behavior. In an essay, Stanford biologist Robert Sapolsky described a chimp that chased a prospective mate far beyond what would be reasonable, because the mate dropped occasional signals that she might be willing--maybe, someday. Sapolsky referred to this as the "pleasure and pain of maybe." The chimp was willing to go to great lengths for a hypothetical reward."
We were those chimps as jw's, chasing the everlasting carrot dangling constantly before us. I believe it became an addiction for many of us and may explain why it's so hard to eventually leave. The addiction is so strong. There is such a pull for us that it is difficult to know what to do with that energy void upon leaving. And of course, the painful realization that the carrot was an illusion, and the subsequent realization that pretty much everything is an illusion.
This also begs the question of whether our feeling of happiness is genuine or just a chemical addiction to externals. What is real happiness anyways? Perhaps some people are just hardwired with more dopamine in their brains and somehow we look at them as these wonderful, happy, positive people. Yet, maybe their genetics have just been wired a certain way, much like having been born with blue eyes or brown skin. Maybe being "happy" isn't as within our control as we think.
Remember that newborn with the lovely smile: it's just gas.
tall penguin
tall penguin
JoinedPosts by tall penguin
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Is Happiness Genetic?
by compound complex indear friends,.
happiness abounds of late on the board.
idealism is great, tempered by reality.. i've had friends and family that were perpetually gloomy [often with good reason], but also those who were generally upbeat.
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tall penguin
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I'm totally excited!
by coolhandluke inwhen i interviewed for my position my now boss asked me why i didn't have a degree.
my mind filtered out "well you see sir i wasn't allowed to go to college and without that hope basically glided through high school and then went to a trade school so that i could eat.
" instead i told him that it was one of my major goals.
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tall penguin
That's incredible chl!!! What a great opportunity and what a great business idea as well. Empowering people to move out of unhealthy cycles is a great gift to them. Wonderful!!!
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Using your anger to make positive changes in your life
by Lady Lee inusing your anger to make positive changes in your life.
"i was so mad i just exploded in rage.
" how many times have you heard someone say, "that wasn't very mature of you," after you have lost your temper.
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tall penguin
Wow Lady Lee. I just went back and read my comments from two years ago. I've really come a long way in the anger department. This summer I've really come to feel, quite viscerally, my anger and rage. It's been amazing to see it shift from being angry with myself to placing the anger on the situations/people that sparked the anger to then shift into a place of peace where I can just let it wash through me entirely without needing to place the anger anywhere at all.
I'm not the same person I was two years ago. Thank you for reminding me of the progress I've made.
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Using your anger to make positive changes in your life
by Lady Lee inusing your anger to make positive changes in your life.
"i was so mad i just exploded in rage.
" how many times have you heard someone say, "that wasn't very mature of you," after you have lost your temper.
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tall penguin
Thank you for this great post Lady Lee.
I've been dealing with a lot of repressed anger surfacing of late. And I am surprised by how much energy it holds. For someone that has been chronically fatigued and depressed most of her life, I am filled with energy that I didn't know I had. It would seem that I'd tied up so much energy in repressing and holding back my anger that there wasn't enough for other things.
The more I give a voice to my anger in healthy ways, the more I can see the hurt that lies beneath it and it is releasing all kinds of stuff as it moves along. It's been a tough process since I've always felt more okay with crying than being angry. But now I know it's okay to feel whatever I'm feeling and that it eventually passes when it's acknowledged for what it is.
A tool I've found useful is playing the Nintendo game system's boxing game. Since you're actually using your arms to box it's a great way to move that energy through the system, not to mention it's a great workout too!
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What really matters now?
by nvrgnbk ini'm just getting back from the toronto fest.. more beautiful people one could not wish to find.. thanks to all, and in particular bumble bee and memario, for hosting.. while i was away, i see that trev lost linda.. my heart is broken.. and i see some stuff about dannyh hurting some elderly brothers?.
this board is so important to us supporting one another.. i think it's about love.. may we never allow ourselves to be consumed with hate or dedicate our lives to destroying something.. it's not hard to do if we dwell on what we lost.
but we win in so many ways when we celebrate the life we have now and new beginnings instead of hanging on to the past.. that's the best "revenge".. we all need to vent.. it's a critical part of deprogramming.. but i'm thankful to the good friends on here that gave me a heads-up when they saw me heading towards bitterness.
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tall penguin
(((nvr)))
Thank you for sharing this. I enjoyed our chat last night about our parents and how it can often do more harm than good to destroy someone's beliefs. Not everyone is prepared to lose their illusions, nor should they be forced to. Love goes beyond enforcing your worldview on another, no matter how justified you may feel in doing so. I hope we can all remember that.
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Send prayers ,good vibes for TRev.Linda's gone
by mouthy into a better place he needs out love more than ever now
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tall penguin
I'm so sorry for your loss Trev. Linda was a wonderful support here on jwd. I will miss hearing her wisdom. Much love and hugs to you.
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Thoughts on the Spirituality of Atheism
by nvrgnbk inthoughts on the spirituality of atheismc.
george boeree.
i am an atheist.
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tall penguin
Great piece. Thanks for sharing it.
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Someone else new & could do with as much help as they can get.
by Mr. Majestic ini would like to say hello and introduce myself.
i have read this forum for a while, didnt know that it existed till some one showed me it, (fellow rebel) about a year ago.
now the only way that i will get help is to go into it, something i really dont wish to do but know that i have to.
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tall penguin
Hugs to you Mr. Majestic. And welcome. You're amongst friends here.
I understand the sense of hopelessness you feel. I still struggle with it. As a jw, there is a meaning to everything, an answer for everything, an explanation for everything. There is the promise that god is taking stock of your suffering and will one day reward you for your hurts. Now, you realize there's no cosmic knight in shining armor coming to take the hurt away and miraculously heal your childhood wounds, nor offer you an explanation for why people hurt you as they did. It sucks. It's a betrayal and letdown of the worst kind. Your heart, as you aptly expressed, "is beyond breaking point. It needs input and any patch work just won’t work. The heart knows what it needs, and is very sick and ill because of never having its needs met."
Yes, your heart is ill. It aches. Life is suffering. It's a far cry from the paradise we were promised. But we are here. And we must make the best of it one step, one moment, one hour, one day at a time. I've been out for two years and there are still days where I battle the hopeless, suicidal thoughts. There are days where my heart aches so deeply I think it will explode. But there are also days where I enjoy and savor life and am glad I am seeing it through the eyes of freedom.
I too recommend getting some therapy. Being a jw does not prepare you for life in the real world. And it sounds like your family of origin didn't help much in that regard either. So, understandably, you would feel overwhelmed by the world you face now. It often feels like you've come to the planet for the first time and you're trying to figure out how the natives live. It's not easy, and you deserve to have some help. Continue to post here as often as you need to. There is a wealth of experience, wisdom and love here. For a bunch of crazy apostates, we're a pretty good bunch! :)
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Vaccinations
by sammielee24 ini'm not a big fan of vaccinating every person willy-nilly for just anything - especially young kids and babies.
there is still mercury being put into some vaccines despite that being a known toxin...sammieswife.
deaths associated with hpv vaccine start rolling in, over 3500 adverse affects reported.
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tall penguin
Sigh. I've never been a fan of vaccinations and it concerns me how quickly and aggressively they're pushing this HPV vaccine. What's the harm in waiting until the long term tests are completed?
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Does it matter whether you bought into it?
by tall penguin inin my time on the boards and my personal experience, it seems to me that those who really bought into what the org taught, in other words, tried to be a "good little jw", have a harder time when they discover it's all crap as compared to those who perhaps were "fringe" jw's or those who were living a "double life" or had doubts for a while.
he had been having doubts for a while and had been perusing jwd four years before he left.
he also had a more "normal" time as a teenager as he lived a "double life".
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tall penguin
I find these comments interesting. There doesn't necessarily seem to be a consensus on whether the level of faith affects the healing process. Perhaps it comes down to how we handle betrayal and abandonment in general, which may have to do with other experiences we've had, not just those related to being a jw. It's a rather complicated dynamic, as any abuse is.
It also seems to be the question of resiliency, which has been studied in many abuse cases, the question of why some people seem to be able to bounce back after childhood abuses and others seem to be adversely affected through their whole life. I would imagine there are a number of factors here including genetics, learned responses to stress, personality, etc.
worldtraveler: "Is your marraige dissolution the result of leaving the cult? If so , why?"
We weren't married. And really I'm not sure why we broke up. A number of issues, some of which I believe are related to his "getting over" the cult experience faster than myself and his wanting time to see the world with his "new eyes".
tall penguin